Day 3: Faith or Lack Thereof

Playlist:  Lenny Kravitz/Coldplay/DMB  Traveled From/To:  St. Louis up Hwy 79 and then backroads to Hwy 63 to home

Started our day out of St. Louis heading north to Hanibal.  Great night sleep - a few weird dreams - pressing north and west alond the Missouri River Trail.  Beautiful country.  My thoughts trailed to rememberances of Holland (2000) and then thru the Carolinas...Missouri is absolutely breathtaking off of I-70.  Ridiculously beautiful.

I contemplated trees.  Big oaks...some typical trees with moss growing over them...small trees growing on the edges of bluffs...but alive and green and full of life.  My thoughts drifted to Austin wanting to his next tattoo - a specific tree as described in the bible.  My thoughts delved back in to driving into Colorado and taking Austin to camp.  Feeling faithless and somewhat of an outcast to all of the beauty I was seeing.   I remembered the  scripture about a tree being well rooted and I felt like on of thes trees in between the banks of creeks...just laying there to be walked across...laying sideways, rooted, not dead across one of those Colorado streams.  I thought how do I make it?  I'm about to be uprooted and walked across by hikers and critters - how can I still have faith that my roots have given me and keeping " in this game of faith in my Creator".   As we drove on trees upon trees with ivy growing over them - green, tall, strong trunks and then out of the scenary of preference I see a tree dead as dead would be for a tree.  Over anylyzing - I'm wondering where my faith really is.  Or if I have any faith at all.  I'm 43.  Shouldn't I have some part of this figured out?

I don't.  That's the truth.  I'm answerless when it comes down to not so basic questions,  Like 'why would God choose to take my son' kind of questions.  Just ask Lou who asked me point blank with big tears streaming down her face - "Tell me, tell me Bec,...HOW DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE??!!  Honestly, I couldn't respond except with tears of my own - not only because of seeing her heart so broken but because  I don't know how any of this world makes any kind of sense either.

Song for the Day: Funny the Way It Is by the one and only DMB